The Not of Knitting

I don't know if this is going to turn into a knitting blog again or not.  If it does, in some tiny way I think that means that I've found happiness again.  I know I had it once, whether or not I saw it at the time.
I have so many other things I need to release from my mind that I don't think I'll have the space for other types of creativity until these things are gone.  Right now one is very very gone. Job #1 which made me a little bit happy but also made me feel like I was working way below my station in life, or at least from where I thought I should be.  I tried to leave the door a little bit open, but it's shut.  Slam! Done. Bye-Bye... I'm happy, but also feel like I should have felt some kind of closure.  Now there's a real pun and some irony for you.  The door has slammed shut and I don't feel closure!?!

What I need to remember is that there was a little glimmer of light on my last evening there.  A friend dropped by and for the third time passed her brother's phone number to me as a suggestion for a place to find work.  The kind of work that makes me feel fulfilled and proud and happy.  It may lead to something - it may not. The thing is it's another dangling carrot of hope for me.  There is possibility out there - somewhere.

Meanwhile the other job that I accepted is looming heavy on my mind and the stress comes home with me.  I wake up thinking about it at 3:30 in the morning and go back and forth in my mind about improving it and feeling better about it, and then having these incredibly heavy, crashing, mental arguments with co-workers and unloading my frustration on them.  They have this way of making you feel guilty that you are not working hard enough for them, when you know you are often putting in 10 hour days and working as quickly and efficiently as possible.  They don't believe they have too few people for the job.  They think one person could do it all.  WRONG!  So wrong.  They need to realize after so many years have passed and their problems re-occur over and over no matter who is working for them, that the problem is deep-rooted in the fact that it is being mismanaged from the top down.

When I move past job number two and find my happy place - I'll bring out the needles and talk talk talk about my projects.  Or maybe I'll just turn this into my online private diary since my readership is nil.  Sad Sack OUT!